I am weak
by tennisstar1
Summary: Sequel to sinner, still MarcoLyserg angst... rated for undescriptive rape, torture, like sinner.
1. Chapter 1

Me: I'm sorry if I made Sinner sound like a Yoh/Lyserg fic in the end. But now this little sequel drabble is still Marco/Lyserg.

Marco: This captures us totally wrong.

Me: I know, but if I don't type this it won't get out of my head.

**STORY**

I would bleed. Cry. Though my bones never shattered. Yes, I would swim in a pool of my own blood sometimes, and the pain could be so unbearable that the next morning I couldn't move. But it was okay. To see his smile. I fell for a man that abuses my body, doesn't care if I have a soul, and knows nothing about what I think. He doesn't have to rape me to get what he wanted. I would have gladly given it to him. Yoh. He tries to save me, but I don't want to be saved. Sure, I would say I wanted to after the abuse. But once I fell asleep, I would dream that he and I were... a normal couple. All of you must think I am pathetic. Maybe I am. But the way he smiles as he hits me, and the way that he gets so amused when I struggle. But it's all an act. I would have willingly given him everything.

But nothing can change. He feels no love towards me, and I cannot make him. I am weak. Something like me doesn't deserve happiness. I want revenge on the death of my parents, and I rely on a girl I just met a couple weeks ago. Yoh. He thinks I want help, and sometimes when he visits me, I think that too. He sees the scars the abuse left behind and would try to treat them. Marco. A man great in in height. Who's blue eyes that drew me into joining the X-laws. Who appeared to be a man so dedicated to his faith. Was really a bigger sinner than Hao. But I can't help my feelings for him. If he were to die, then I would die as well. The blood and tears that he has to spill, I pray to god that I will do enough to make him do less. Though it's so hard when he doesn't even care. Just glares at you like you were just a piece of trash found on the street.

Though I know he at least cares if I live. He wouldn't beat me until I actually died. But it still hurt. Being beaten by the one you love. The one you long for to hug. Instead he hits you. I cry, scream until I cannot speak, and crawl. I am nothing. And he is my everything. Here he goes again. Punching me in the stomach. I feel the blood coming out of my throat. My screams giving him pleasure. If that's what it takes, I will scream as loud as I can. I feel it now. He hands ripping my clothes off and forcing himself in me. It burns and I will never experience anything anymore painful. I wish he granted me the mercy of death! There I go again. I'm so weak I don't know what I want. He grunts as he thrusts harder ad harder, his hand playing with my limp cock. There is nothing to get turned on about. This pain makes my head spiral and all I can see is darkness.

A few hours later, I would wake up bottomless. I'm lying in liquid and soaked to the bone. Probably my own blood and semen. Or Marco's semen. Who knows. Then I see him. Yoh. Why must he try to be my knight in shining armor? I don't want him! "Please, Yoh..." I can't talk anymore cause my throat feels so dry. He just pulls me to his chest and let me cry. Why can't I be stronger? Why don't I have what I need to make Marco love me? "I am weak..."...

**STORY OVER**

Me: I can't right angst...

Lyserg: You're telling me...

Me: Wel... read and review... I wouldn't.


	2. authors notes

**Me: Um… to answer Leuv's questions… um…**

have you read the shaman king manga? – Um, not all of it. I saw that picture on the internet with Yoh hugging Lyserg. And yeah, America only has only up to book nine. So I only know Lyserg from the anime.

how come Lyserg choose Marco over Yoh? – Um… I know I usually ship Yoh with Lyserg (or Hao with Lyserg), but I wanted to capture a really sick and wrong relationship. Yoh's such a sweetheart! And I thought about Marco since I thought about that one episode where Marco slapped him in the face. Cause this will be the last time I try to do this couple in a fic!

is he sadomasochist? – I don't know. To tell you the truth, this was just on my mind and was giving me a major headache and it only went away when I wrote it. So… now that I read it, he does seem that way!

**Me: I don't really know if these were good answers, but um… I answered them as best as I could. But um… yeah. The sequel to 'If the past was different' is coming out soon! I just have to finish my Ryoga/Ryoma one shot and I'll be good to go start it! Though be warned… it has more plot and stuff than the last one. And it's going to get confusing… so yeah! Be prepared to see it soon everyone!**


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